Monday, July 24, 2006

If I were Superman….

Everyone wants to be like Superman. I mean, who wouldn’t? The guy can fly, see through opaque structures, virtually ageless, never gets tired, and has nigh invulnerability. I wouldn't want to be Superman just save people. That’s so boring.

If I were Superman, I would fly to all of my destinations. I wouldn’t need expensive car insurance or a car payment. I would play professional football, hurt every the opposing team player and win a super bowl. When it comes to girls……no, I wouldn’t use my x-ray vision in that way!! You have a dirty mind. I would use it to see through their purse. Find out what they like and strike an intelligent and interesting conversation. Using my super hearing, I would eavesdrop on people without using my high-tech eaves dropping equipment. Not that I do that of course.

Yep, being Superman has its perks. Unfortunately, I will never be Superman. I just can’t see myself in blue and red tights. I’m more a black tights kind of a man. Perhaps, I could be a better Batman. I mean he’s rich, dark, a ladies’ man and he has lots of gadgets. Oh yeah, and he drives a "Bat-mobile", which I am sure drinks lots of gas. I bet the auto insurance is pricey, too.

I think I’m better being Captain Oblivious. It’s so much easier to be myself than some superhero with some over exaggerated weaknesses (e.g. Kryptonite).


My superpowers:

  • Imaginary Superhuman Strength.
  • Ability to “fly” through traffic undetected by traffic cops.
  • Able to keep a job for more than 3 years.
  • Imaginary ability to move objects using my mind. (e.g. automatic grocery store double door)
  • Able to consume whole meals in a series of mouthful bites.
  • Ability to make things seem blurry without glasses.
  • Superhuman awareness of discounts, rebates, and other cheap stuff.
  • Able to harness the power of caffeine to stay awake.
  • Ability to write ideas down and publish on Blogger.


My weaknesses:

  • Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
  • Brownies.
  • Mondays.
  • General fondness for chicken.


The world has Superman, Batman, WonderWoman, but what would the world be without Captain Oblivious?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

The world would be a lot more boring without you.
-Diane

Anonymous said...

Heh heh, "Captain Oblivious." ...Who doesn't want powers such as your own? ^_^
Ashley B.
acrocanis.tripod.com