Moving Forward

Moving forward isn’t always easy.

Thinking about what is to come isn't exactly fun either, but I have managed to live a life that is filled with angst and anxiety about the future and event the present.

Take for example, my life in the second grade. My number one fear was not being able to advance to the third grade or advancing to high school. I was worried that I wouldn't make it. I don't know why I worried so because I was an honor roll student. Back then, I was the overachiever. My impetus to keep grades high was to pass to later grades and succeed. I managed to retain this motivational drive up until now, in my college years. In everything I do right now in this very slice of my life, I don't feel as I am moving forward. There's this recurring feeling of stagnation and tentativeness as I live my life. I don't feel as I am growing as a person. I feel as if I am a this person stuck in a glass box, watching the world run it's course.

I've made it this far…but the road seems unstable, less defined.

Now, I question my own abilities, strengths and trust in others. I am unhappy with my performance, the performance of others, and everyone who seems to impede my path whether directly or indirectly. I find myself slowly, but surely questioning my friend's loyalty and trust. To a certain extent, I have become a cynical person who distrusts everyone's motives.

This sounds a lot like some teenage angst, but I assure you: It's coming from a full-grown man who has goals and aspirations that however seem too onerous to attain. I am a man who is not afraid to disclose qualms about life and about self.

No matter what happens, I have to move forward. My very life and sanity depend upon it. Anything else is not acceptable. But, there’s one person I can turn to that knows me inside and outside. I can trust that person with my very life, but…an invisible wall exists. Perhaps it is an invisible wall of my own manufacture. What I have made, I can certainly undue. The question is do I want to? This person is the key to my moving forward as human being.

I bet you are wondering who is this person I speak of?

Captain Oblivious